There’s something that’s been pressed on my heart lately. I confess, it’s involved a few growing pains, and I wouldn’t say that I’ve reached the other side yet… not even close. But I’ve been hungering to find the joy in life–in the moments both large and small–when things don’t happen the way I might have hoped.
I’m a mom, with three kids. I work from home and I homeschool. That means I don’t get a lot of alone time. It’s quite rare, in fact. So about one evening a month, I try to get out of the house. Just me. I’ll sometimes head to the local coffee shop with my laptop and headphones. Get a yummy drink, tune into my music and for a few hours, just write. It’s a bit of a haven and something I look forward to.
This month, my day to get away for a few hours came. And went.
And I never stepped outside of the house. My husband had to run an important errand after work, and with neither of us being used to following a daily schedule, we lost track on what night it was.
I didn’t go to the coffee shop. I didn’t have a few hours of quiet. I certainly didn’t get any writing done.
I changed diapers. Made dinner. Swept up dinner from around the 1-year old’s chair. Wiped faces and hands. Emptied the stove of the ashes. Built a fire. Kept three kids busy and content and safe.
And I never got my quiet. None of the work got done that I wanted to do.
My instinct–the me that loves her plan A– was to rally against injustice. I wanted to cry. I wanted to get mad. But at who? It wasn’t the kids’ fault and my husband was truly doing his best and had even came straight home when he remembered what night it was.
Maybe I just should have been mad at nothing. Mad at the lack of quiet. For quiet was the very thing I craved. It’s what I wanted.
You see, I’m not a very good Plan B person. I like plan A. Plan B throws me. It puts a hitch in the moment, the day, the long journey. Plan B isn’t what I signed up for. It’s not what I had my heart set on. Not what I thought I needed…
But oh the joy that can be missed out on by clinging to what should have been. Refusing to find happiness in what is.
I’m facing a great many plan B’s in this season of my life. It is in these moments–both great and small–that I need to settle my spirit and trust that God has the perfect plan… even when it’s different than my own. Whether it’s the dreams of life, or simply the hope of that day, I’m learning that when we face the path that is different than what we would have liked, it gives us a chance to grow. Adapt.
This has been what I’ve searched my heart with the last few weeks. That through it all, the ups and downs, the road I might not have wanted to travel, that I can find joy in that moment. For my heart, for the hearts of my children and my family.
That even though my day went left instead of right, I could still smile. No, I didn’t get my quiet time but there is the time to sing twinkle-twinkle little star with the toddler and watch his pudgy little hands as the “itsy bitsy spider” climbs up the water spout. When dinner turns out terribly, we can rejoice in yogurt and carrot sticks and maybe even make a batch of homemade hot chocolate. Just because it’s good for morale. Or when that dream job, or dream future just might not come to be, we can look at the unexpected curve in the road with joy, awaiting God’s blessings in a different form.
Oh, girl, I hear you. I’m in a season like that myself. Life isn’t what I thought it would look like five years ago. But it’s still beautiful…even in all its Plan B-ness. Hard to remember sometimes. Really hard, in fact. I rejoice in knowing that even if today is hard, maybe tomorrow (or in many tomorrows), I’ll look back and see what I couldn’t today. Maybe today just requires trust that God’s got this. That’s all I have…it’s all I’m clinging to right now.
Lindsay,
“It’s still beautiful…even in all its Plan B-ness” I love that. That’s just how I’ve been feeling myself. Its comforting to know we’re in it together. You’ve shared such a great reminder to be thankful for what’s here today. Thank you!
What a transparent, honest and tender post. Your thoughts are not unlike what most of us feel from time to time. Isn’t it wonderful that even in these moments, we can know we’re not God’s Plan B, but always the most precious in His sight, no matter where our earthy paths lead? Love you.
Thank you, Beverly. It was one of those posts I hemmed and hawed about a bit, but knew deep down I needed to write it. It seemed this was my WEEK and on, really. When those situations don’t change, I really want to learn to change my perspective on it. Hugs!
So true and I can so relate Joanne, being the mom of 7 and still having 3 at home that I homeschool. Its been really hard lately for me as well . between the physical pain and issues I have. Kids not wanting to keep up house chores and their own schoolwork. It can be very frustrating ! I want you to know that Though I won book one and book three, I finally purchased book 2 for my kindle, couldn’t wait any longer to read your books. I want you to know that I found the days of babies and toddlers much more easy then the days now of 6 to 11. And the teen years are much more trying then the baby years. But I suppose that trying to deal with it all and not getting much help as DH has brain trauma issues and Mental Illness, makes life harder all around . That is why I took on reading , reviewing and influencing, its relaxing for me, but irritating when I don’t get time alone just for a book chat… And just think, I so want to write what God wants me to share and do not know how I would do it all.
Love you much
Your Sister in Jesus
Linda Finn
Wow, Linda, 7 children. My hats off to you! And homeschooled to boot… you so know those days of utter busyness where there truly isn’t a quiet moment to steal away.
I am so, so glad that you are going to be able to read book #2! I have your copy of My Hope is Found here that I desperately need to send off to you. I’ve had a sick family this week, so I’ve fallen behind on getting into town, but it’s on it’s way and I’m so glad that in the meantime, you’ll be able to read TMHIT.
Saying a prayer for your family as you navigate these days. Hugs to you!
Just beautiful, my friend. The words, yes, but even more so- the heart behind them. Thank you for this sweet, strong truth today. You are an incredible example of a life lived in joy, in seeking out His purpose right where He has you.
That song I posted yesterday, I later tracked down this live accoustic version and SAVORED what the guy says at the very beginning. “God always wants to take us further, he always wants to take us deeper… he’s looking for more of our heart…” He goes on to talk about how things don’t always look like we thought they would, but how He meets us there with His grace in a mighty and profound way. Definitely worth listening to: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A-1MR5JAu2M
Listening to this now, Amanda. I missed it yesterday, so I’m so glad that you shared it. Thank you! It’s on as I answer these beautiful comments, starting with yours. Thank you for stopping in here and bringing your joy and sweetness.
Listening on… this song is gorgeous. Thank you. Hugs!
I can certainly relate to your desire to adapt to Plan B. My Plan B is that after 3 years of trying, our home won’t sell without us going into “short sale” territory, which my husband and I refuse to do. So in many ways, I’m feeling “stuck”. But I try to keep foremost in my mind that we were trying to sell by choice, not necessity, and there are many people who are forced into short sales by their life circumstances. We’re not there. We have a home over our heads, and while it’s not our dream home or anything close to it, we can afford to be warm and make it cozy. It’s all in the mindset we encourage ourselves to take part in….so I must brush away the “poor me” and move on.
Connie,
That is such a great way to look at your situation, just immersing yourself in that gratitude for the blessings that so many don’t have. Our house is teeny tiny and the days it feels like I’m tripping over everything, it’s when I have to circle back to that spirit of gratitude. Thank you for the reminder!
Love these words as they’re what I need to hear and struggle with. I get too many of my plans for the day on the schedule, most often, unrealistic, and when I can’t meet them all, get put out with myself, circumstances, etc. But rejoice in the Lord always, again I say rejoice. 🙂 Which is what I told myself when I chopped into my fingernail chopping lard to render a few minutes ago. Glad it’s just a nick and was on the last piece. He is good, even on Plan A, Plan B, and Plan C.
Oh, Melissa, I am right there with you. I was just chatting with a dear friend, about how I feel like I fear and fret over messing up at things, or failing or disappointing people. I worry myself in circles. It’s been something I’ve really had to strive to seek peace over.
Oh, dear, glad your finger is ok! Bless your heart. Big, big hugs and thanks for all you did last week to make the cookie hop so special!
You truly are a beautiful soul Amanda. Your openness and willingness to share your heart and stand bare for us to see is beautiful. Your struggles and stories will become a testimony of faith, strength and the fight that you’ve endured to those that read them.
I love that you find the moments of sheer joy all around us everyday. Learning to see them and draw refreshing and strength from them is an art all of its own. When we can see the frustrating mistakes of a botched dinner as an opportunity to laugh with our family and together find a substitute, or maybe throw off the overprotective mommy stance and run out in the yard with our kids and dance in a rain storm, we begin to draw or even create joy in the hidden moments of life. Sometimes though I wonder if its a plan A or plan B thing or simply the start of a new journey to become stronger for the next one that will soon begin.
I love this quote: “A strong woman knows she has strength enough for the journey, but a woman of strength knows it is in the journey where she will become strong.” Are we brave enough for the journey to become stronger?
That being said I think it’s so very necessary for us to find time to ourselves to take a deep breath and relax. When we find ourselves unable to its time to trust in our Savior to carry us through to the next moment available. As moms and wives I think we often allow guilt to make us miss moments we could have taken to ourselves. We tell ourselves we’re being selfish or they need us more. You can’t pour out a blessing on them if your cup is empty. Steal away into a quiet time every opportunity you can seize or ask the Lord to help you see those opportunities for what they are. Get refreshed, rejuvenated and restored then go be a blessing mommy and wife and hold fast to the promises our Lord gave us.
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you,” declares the Lord, “and will bring you back from captivity….” Jeremiah 29:11-14
Kristie, what beautiful words of truth you speak! I so wish I could take credit for this post, but it’s Joanne who wrote it- and you are right, in ever sense, about her. She IS a beautiful soul, and her faithfulness is a treasured and effective tool in God’s mighty and loving hands. Thank you so much for sharing your hearts, Joanne and Kristie!
Hi Kristie,
And a good evening to you! Thank you for sharing your sweet comment. That quote is a beautiful one. “…but a woman of strength knows that it is the journey where she will become strong.” I’m going to remember that one. Thank you.
Oh yes, it is so necessary for us to find that time of quiet, and that time to get away. Unfortunately.. or maybe I learned, fortunately… that just wasn’t my night last week. But God has been so good in restoring me and I think when I have those moments of surrender, a blessing lies just around the corner. Now and again my MIL will take the kids for a day and I’ll put my feet up and write and even take myself out for lunch. I’m becoming infamous for ordering the same salad… the gal who eats alone, with her book. 😉
Thank you for being here and sharing those thoughts. They’re a real blessing!
Aweee snap!!! I think I found your post through Amanda posting it Joanne. Well, you both are truly amazing in my book and Joanne this was a beautiful post. I enjoyed it. Looking back over my post just now, ummm…that was long. Lol. Thanks for giving us opportunities to share. God bless you two wonderful ladies.
Not to worry for a minute, Kristie! Amanda and I are such good friends, we kind of blend together, LOL! Glad you found me via Amanda and just a joy to have you here. GROUP hug! 🙂
My dear, sweet, Joanne!
I feel that you have “struck a nerve” with SO many people, with this post. I can hear the longing, & frustration in your words, but – I can also hear the joy, & anticipation.
Change, & unexpected, paths are hard for many of us – myself, included. We all have those unexpected paths, but – in different life situations.
My situation is just the opposite of yours, & my path through retirement is definitely, not what I thought it would be. I had envisioned spending a lot more time with my friends, after I retired. That hasn’t happened – in fact, there has been a reduction, instead of an increase – because of my friends, now having serious illnesses (my best friend was just admitted to the hospital last Fri., cancer is suspected), or their spare time consumed by problems with their adult children, etc.. I have always loved to travel, & looked forward to more travel, after retirement. However, I feel safer if I travel with someone, & finding that someone – is hard, for the above reasons.
But – it is true that change brings growth, maturity, lessons learned, & unexpected joy. I have had to search for new avenues of friendship (added to those of friends at church) – one of those ways has been reaching out to you, & other Christian fiction authors/writers, via online. I am SO enjoying my online friendships, & love being an encourager, as often as possible. I am also attending more Christian women’s conferences (& attend, alone, when they are scheduled in my area) – nothing does more to lift my spirits than to sing praise & worship songs with my sisters-in-Christ, & listen to anointed Christian musicians, & teachers!
That being said – even though God is there to fill your void, it IS, also, important for you to have some free time, alone, in order to “re-charge” yourself, so that you are operating at “full” power, for your husband & children. I hope you can feel the warm hug I am sending you, along with prayers for that “alone” time that you need, & so richly, deserve, & continued joy & expectation for the new paths you are, & will, travel – in the future!
Blessings, & joy, for today – & ALL your days!
Bonnie,
I truly never anticipated this post to strike that nerve, but the fact that so many have poured our there hearts, has really ministered to me in how God can move. I almost didn’t share this–it felt too candid and sometimes I don’t know that I want to be that candid. But I’m glad that I was for I know that I am so not alone in this.
THANK YOU for that hug and sending one to you as well!
Thanks Joanne for being transparent and vulnerable enough to share your heart. And Bonnie, I am so blessed by your ministry of supporting and connecting with authors and making new friends online. Bless you each this week!
Joanne,
I’ve known that feeling of reluctance in being candid – I think God, frequently, pushes us out of our “comfort zone”, because He knows that our being candid will speak to the heart of others, as well as our own. And – ministering to our sisters is SO pleasing in His sight! Thank you! Hugs!
Thank you so much, Anne! And well said re: Bonnie. She truly is such an encourager out there. We in the writing community are truly blessed.
Oh, Joanne, I loved this post. I wish we lived closer so we could take our homeschool writer mom break nights and chill together at a coffee shop! I like the idea that you work a break day into your schedule. As an author, it’s really hard to figure out that balance and I definitely reach that “I need to get out of the house” breaking point (right now I don’t have a car, either). Sometimes it just helps to drive and clear your mind. But you’re right–sometimes that blessed break doesn’t happen when/how we want it to, and we have to adjust. I like how you related it to real life. I never want to cling so hard to Plan A that I miss the wonders and blessings of Plan B. (which was always GOD’S PLAN A for my life!). He always knows best–there are times when that’s hard to believe, and we often don’t understand it at the moment. But sometimes years later, we will look back and see He has used those hard times, the Plan B times, for good in our lives.
I really try to work in a few breaks into my schedule but with so much going on this month, it’s been hard. My parents moved about 30 minutes away from us and my MIL just moved a bit farther away as well. We’ve lost a few close neighbors and I’ve felt lately like I just have no one around. I burst into tears the other night to my husband. It’s just the two of us lately it seems, spelling one another, but we make a good team 🙂 And I’m so thankful for family helping out when they can!
Yes, I do hope we can hang out someday soon. It would be so fun! Here is to Plan B and God working on our hearts. 🙂
In reading your reply to Heather, just wanted to say that – I think the Lord is going to do great things in your life, Joanne, & I think He may even have some new neighbors, & friends, in mind for you – that may really need, especially, YOUR friendship in their lives, & that will bless you as much, or even more, than your previous ones. He orchestrates unfathomable ways to give us the desires of our heart. Hugs!
Bonnie, that was just the little boost I needed in that area. Thank you. I’m hoping for some more time of fellowship with local friends and just want to trust that God is going to pave that way to connect with the dear friends that we have and to also hopefully have some new kindred spirits come into our neighborhood for the kids and I!
Great post Joanne! After years of trying to adapt, I gave up and now I just live in plan B mode! 😉
Thank you so much, Tamara! I’m so glad you stopped in. 🙂
Hey Joanne , I have several days like you describe . Days when I would like to give up . You know that we can’t give up because God would not want that . He is my rock why I keep going . Yes if plan A don’t work go to plan B because that might be the one you should take anyway . Love you and blessing to you .
Good evening Elizabeth,
God is so good in the way He leads us. I have to remind myself to get out of his way sometimes. 🙂 And as I said in a comment above, just that bit of surrender, and there’s often that rest we yearned for just around the corner. God is so good like that.
Joanne,
To everything there is a season…and those pudgy hands only need our help washing them for so long. Plan B is ALWAYS a better plan. It certainly is more interesting in the retelling of our life stories when those moments of quiet do come.
Plan B brought me to California. It introduced me to my husband against ALL of my better judgement (ha!), and it found us two beautiful adopted baby girls.
If that’s God’s idea of a great plan? I’m ALL IN. I don’t want to plan anymore. I just keep moving, and hope that someday it all makes sense in the bigger, broader picture.
And so they tell me, someday we’ll be straining our ears for the noise that once filled these walls!
I love you, sister…and all I can say is I’m praying for you. That your Plan B is GLORIOUS. That your writing be blessed, and your readers continue to come. <>
Ashley
Ashley,
So very true. Those pudgy hands really will only need our help for so long. I love hearing about your plan B! What a great way it turned out. 🙂 🙂
And I’m enjoying watching your writing journey as you wait on the Lord and write with all your heart. Proud of you, friend!
It seems when little ones are involved, Plan B is always in play. The restlessness of wanting to do things in one’s life nips at our heels from time to time. It did in mine when I didn’t finish college before I married. It stayed in the back of my mind that one day It would be my time again and I would. Sure enough, when my daughter was in high school and my son was in junior high, I went back to college, finished with an Education degree and taught school for several years. Timing is everything and everything will work out as it should.
So very true, Melanie. It really does come into play with little ones! I think it’s that flexibility that I’m continually learning.I love hearing your plan B story as well. Thank you for sharing! I love hearing how that dream came true in God’s perfect timing. Your patience was rewarded. 🙂
Oh, Joanne, I’m so with you on this. We KNOW that God is in control and has a good plan for our lives, but when jolts come along it’s so easy to respond with our brain and humanness before the memory kicks in. I take comfort in the fact that He is always there and as quick as a breath will forgive and guide when I remember. And also in the fact that the time between encountering a twisty turn in the path and REMEMBERING to talk with Him about it and not fret–that time is getting shorter.
Bless you, sweet sister, for sharing. Hugs to you.
Celebrating with you, Mary Kay, that that transition time is getting shorter. That’s been my goal lately and I’ve been putting into practice (no surprise that a bundle of challenges flew my way the last two days) 😉 But God is so good in filling us up even when we feel so empty.